We're short on babysitters. Okay, we were always short on babysitters. But now we're one shorter than usual. See, we're picky and afraid of leaving our kids with people we don't know inside and out. So we have approximately three. Er, two now. Because last week there was an incident.
Not quite a nanny-cam video of an au pair beating a child in the head with a wooden spoon, but it was still troubling enough to make us decide that our children will be with this person alone no more. I'm not going to get into specifics, except to say that the caretaker flew into a rage, and that although what happened next was relatively minor, it was clearly, by any standards, inappropriate.
Our son told us about the incident the next day. Sort of. In a toddler-speak kind of way. While the exact chain of events was not clear, I knew instantly that something troubling had indeed occurred -- it wasn't the kind of thing the child would make up, and certainly not about a person whom he loves so much. I'm glad I believed him.
In fact, I'm glad I decided not to go on a road trip I very much wanted to take late last week. Whatever regrets I have about not having gone, I know I made the right decision because the only sitter available was the person with the temper. And while at the time I still didn't know just what had happened, I had a bad feeling about leaving my children there for an entire day.
Today I confronted the person about it. In a very nice way. I know my kids can be tough at times -- they're only eighteen months apart, they're both in diapers, and they are as resourceful as they are small. So as protective as I feel of my kids, part of me also felt sorry for the sitter, who I knew was stressed out that day, who admitted everything and more, and who has been plagued with guilt since the incident. A sincere apology was offered -- both to my son and me -- and accepted.
We have, in the most age-appropriate and casual way we know how, discussed the incident with our son. Now that the truth is out in the open, now that he has been assured that, even though his behavior wasn't great, the incident itself wasn't his fault, that the person watching him made a mistake, he acts as if a weight has been lifted and seems fine.
The difficult part is that the person who did this is still important to my children and to my family. There will be no severing of ties. But, as sad as we are about it, my husband and I agree that our children can never be left alone again with the individual either. I didn't come right out and say that today, though. I just couldn't.
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3 comments:
Of course I am dying to hear the details here as I am sure we all are.
That is really too bad but I know what you mean about not wanting to leave your children around people like that.
We have a nanny, have had her for a year and in the beginning I was planning to spend $350 on a nanny cam that was going to be a fake plant. My husband talked me out of it, he thought it was morally wrong. In the end, we didn't do it and it was a good thing because the nanny waters the plants! Plus, she is awesome and loving and protective and patient with our son.
But still, aside from a few friends, she is the only sitter he has. We don't go out very often. I know we should try to get used to another sitter or 2 as backup, but that like so many things ends up on the end of the bottomess todo list.
Oh and one more comment, my mother always told me when my son starts daycare to see how he acts when he gets there and trust it. Trust the kids, even if they can't talk.
The problem with Nanny Cams is they preserve, they don't prevent. But, fortunately, in this case, the matter will not result in major long-term consequences for the child.
Meredith, I'm glad you have found such a great nanny. I know what you mean about needing to find a sitter but never getting around to it. That's why we ended up relying on someone we knew, not necessarily someone with the best childcare credentials.
Anonymous, yes, you're right. What good is a nanny cam if all it does is let you watch something horrible happen after the fact?
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